What Is The Things They Start To Chew First


What Is The Things They Start To Chew First

while writing another letter to Helen and watching Jeopardy at the same time


The Celetano Brothers invented frozen pizza.

The pantry is now yelling at me.

I dare you to use the words Frankie Yankovick

in a sentence

fuck this trivia


I’ll take why did Helen leave me

for a thousand Alex


Mojo is ketchup in Cuba.

Can minnows survive in marinara sauce?

What the hell is a 60’s twist?


if you’ll wash my windows

for scrambled eggs

I will paint your house

for bacon


because it’s cold

in this diner alone



and our love slides off the fork like that

we belong on the same menu


Who is the Silver Surfer.

What are you doing tonight?

What is the longest goddamned day of my life.


my hall pass has

steep feelings for

your hall pass


you loved me in a way

that made a shitty day

feel like a hot towel


but now flowers sprout from the lies

of your naughty bits


Clairol vs. Loreal.

How could I forget the wonder bra?

How many Beatles albums did they sell in Britain?


still, despite everything

you are the sound in my head laughing

every time I walk into a bar

and the juke box is playing a song by Belly


I am as old as a disposable razor.

a disposable razor who loves you.


these are the confessions

of vampire unicorns

and warm chicken soup





(originally publishing in Illiterate Magazine)

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