They Both Screamed ‘Uncle Kracker’ At The Same Time When Their Loving Became Too Much
at some point closer to noon
he slipped away from work
and made his way to her throaty loft
between big town crematoriums
intending to share a long lunch break
even though she had the day off and he still smelled
like earlier-that-morning’s PB & J
he wanted to dive straight into it but she wanted to power walk
between the futon and the kitchen table a couple hundred dozen times
and talk without cursing but her voice sounded like a bag of shattered marbles
rough sexing a turtle so they watched a couple of snake documentaries
on Netflix and drank yerba mates, slowly, to get in: the mood
the mood was shaped like an immensely dense sex-shop-modified apple fritter
and shortly upon realizing its arrival they both yanked themselves out
of their own sex-stop pants and jumped right in
her vagina was wide eyed and aquatic-ly fearless
his penis held its nose before the splash down
his penis was bent slightly like an older man carrying groceries
her bush was shaved like it had never been shaved before
her bush appeared to be hiding behind a superfluously positioned
second bush
because sometimes evolution’s just weird like that
but his penis was both persistent and wanted a sandwich
and found her sex spots eventually
upon arriving his dick felt scratched up
and parched and found itself asking politely
for a glass of lemonade while they did this
her clitoris was shaped like an always angry woman
who spends most of her time screaming shit like
“I don’t have any barn-darn lemonade!” or
“Get the hell off my yard!”
so he was all “So it’s like that then is it”
and proceeded to bang her without lemonade
or glee
butt: fuck it
while he was inside her the world didn’t care about participation rates
and while she was outside him she thought about getting her steps in
while outside that little wherever they were
the entire goddamn universe is pretty much finite and
Donald Trump may have been doing inappropriate impressions of the disabled
but their orgasms almost legitimately
had cerebral palsy
literally
when they both came
they came like Michael J Fox
trying on a new pair of socks
and then after that happened they really went at it
like they tended to go at it
and knowing how occasionally uncomfortable
the ‘at it’ could get, they’d come up with a series
of safe words
and by this point things had gone a little weird
and this afternoon’s safety word was ‘Uncle Kracker’
so he screamed it
but she’d forgotten they’d changed it
she was still under the impression that the safety word
was still ‘That One Song By Menudo!’
but it wasn’t Menudo
it was Uncle Kracker
but she didn’t remember this
so when he screamed Uncle Kracker
she thought he was just making
in-the-middle-of-rough-sex small talk
“Yes. I like Uncle Kracker too. Especially
that one song I can’t remember right now.
That’s probably my favorite.”
but he wasn’t kidding around
he was fucking serious!
“Not Menudo! Uncle Kracker goddamn it! Check your fucking Outlook!
We stopped doing Menudo yesterday!”
he was right of course, but that didn’t really matter anymore
she was in the lunch sex zone and her favorite movie had always been Highlander
“There can be only one!”
shit
only later
as he was limp walking his way back to the office
did the poor bastard weep
Multiverse Johnson 