While Watching: Knock Knock
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Not Keanu Reeves bangs!
Why’s that?
SPOILER ALERT!
Because Keanu opened the door like a dumbass and let
a couple of wet girls into his house when his wife and kids
weren’t home and they repaid his kindness of extra bathrobes
and towels by tying him to his collection of crappy Kiss albums
and cutting all his bangs off
while Keanu just sat there acting like he was acting
and screaming stuff like “My bangs! Oh no! Not my bangs!”
Shit!
but they bangs’d him anyway
while their bras seduced a lone sock in the drier
they bangs’d the 3D printed shit out of him
and as if that wasn’t
I don’t know
enough?
these ladies played a bunch of other mean pranks on him
like: they cooked a sloppy breakfast and drew dicks on his asshole
and they pretended to be underage after he’d overage banged them
and forced him to listen to his own record collection
until he screamed “Stop you crazy cunts
you’re permanently damaging my eardrums!”
“AHHHHHHHHH!”
Historical Note: Keanu Reaves screams ‘AHH!’ in this movie
like most people yawn while watching
a Keanu Reaves movie
He’s 51 in real life
and 43 in Knock Knock
and won’t stop going on about the fact
that he used to be a DJ when he was in his 20’s
which means he spun a lot of Foghat albums
at a couple of house parties in 1988
“Please don’t stab me in my surgery scar again!”
the crowds screamed at the nonsense
which was everything, because everything’s made
out of nonsense
So you almost went on tour once?
‘Monster’ fuck that
Love doesn’t give a shit about ‘almost’
What was your fucking stage name back then Keanu?
DJ Surgery Scar?
DJ Bang(s)Me
DJ Don’tWannaGoDeafYouSexyFucks?
Hard saying
in Knock Knock Keanu Reeves is playing with Love
so there’s no fucking way he was meant to win because
with Love, the bowl cut is almost-exclusively inevitable
She played their music real loud
until they weren’t playing anymore
and then there was just silence and busted ceramics
and then Love went deaf without her
and her thongs
which were probably dry by now
“I want to go #1 in your butt.” Keanu’s sock
said to the two bras but the bras didn’t have butts
and socks can’t pee
and around this time these chicks
were through with him
the rice had fixed their Iphones
and none of Keanu’s friends
liked him on Facebook
anymore
Multiverse Johnson 