Nobody Knows More About Love Than I Do, Trust Me
(translation of poem by Mayakovsky, as if miss-translated by Donald Trump)
They said Munich
and I heard it as McDonalds
and then somehow it turns out to be both?
Give me a break
They sound like my second wife now
How is anything my fault? Exactly
The only thing my words radicalize
is your female sex parts
which in turn succeeds to radicalize
my sex parts
and by my sex parts, let’s be clear here
we’re talking about
my penis
which is spectacular
trust me
I don’t know what they’re complaining about
so what if they read stuff
I’m great in the sack
The entire media’s just expedited their own periods again
but I’m not going to let something like ISIS or the tragedy of others
forget to water my luxurious golf course
aka
bring me down
because I am important
which means we are important
my books have saved more animals from drowning
than any book ever published, second only to the Bible
and we’ve got reservations
me and you
later this evening
in the very exclusive restaurant
of my pants
table for two by the fireplace
and by fireplace I mean your womanly longings
and by two
I mean my nuts
because you’re special
I mean that
because we are in love
if orgasms were umbrellas
then trust me, you’re gonna need one
because it’s gonna be raining in Cleveland
after we finish our non-metaphorical dinner
of some absolutely gorgeously subjective steaks
We’re going to eat
and then I’m going to say seven or eight
extremely clever things in the elevator
and then as soon as we get back to my room
I’m going to Google myself to make sure
Putin still likes me, and then I swear to
every dollar I’ve ever made while doing business
with China
I’m going to make your vagina great again
If your mouth is the media’s insistence
that Hispanics don’t like me
then my penis is a really great Taco Bowl
like they make at Trump Towers
I’m just saying
when you put the two of these things together
we’ve got a great photo opportunity
I can tell you
orgasms will be arm wrestling love tonight
in this room, believe me
Vote for my penis
and I promise
everyone wins
Multiverse Johnson 