Your Backbone and My Flute


Your Backbone and My Flute

(translation of poem by Mayakovsky as if mistranslated by Donald Trump)


I’d like to build a wall

around my penis

and I’d very much like for this wall

that surrounds such a thing to be

your vagina


That’s how special you are to me

The media doesn’t get that

If you’re trying to build an ant farm

you’re going to fuck up a lot of ants


before you get the rest of the ants

locked in there……what is that?

Plexiglas? Doesn’t matter


That’s just how it goes

I just happen to be really good

at stepping on things

What can I tell you?


But that’s only when I’m being Blue Collar, baby

In the bedroom nobody knows where to put it

like I know where to put it, believe me

I know where to put it


We’re gonna make so much love

with my flute, shooting Beethoven

all over your backbone,


that it’s gonna take a cleaning crew

half a week to get that place

straightened out again


I know this, because

I’m a job creator

Believe me


I’m going to fuck you so good

that Mexico will have to pay for it


and if Mexico says

‘Screw you’

then I’ll declare the following day

National Fuck Them Day!


and we’ll just order another jar

of lube up from room service

and charge it


to France

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