Tiny Notebook Poems

Tiny Notebook Poems

 

I Want You To See My Underpants

 

I want you to see my underpants

But I’m not wearing underpants

So where does that leave us?

 

What are we looking at here?

My weiner or

The end of the world

 

 

Adam Duritz Letter To Santa Clause

 

Dear Santa,

 

I need a raincoat, a sunburn, and a new car. Mom says I’m too young to drive and that the sun can be dangerous, but fuck that. She has thus far voiced no objections about the raincoat. Also I kinda want a puppy. I’ll name her Baltimore. Is that asking for too much? If you’ve just nodded your head yes then I don’t know, forget about the sunburn. I realize now I was being unrealistic with that. Sorry, I’ve been day drinking. Let’s just stick with the raincoat and the new car and the puppy. Thanks man.

 

Sincerely,

Yr pal Adam

 

 

Saving Private Ryan 2

 

A post World War 2 Matt Damon

Falls asleep on the bus to the Denver Art Museum

And somehow wakes up in Cleveland

 

His family becomes worried when he doesn’t come home

For dinner that night because they had all planned to send

One of his twenty fucking grandkids to pick up a bag of

 

Taco Bell Doubledillas

Matt Damon’s favorite

So they call the police and report him missing

 

12 people die horrible deaths before they eventually find him

Standing in the TV department at Sears mumbling shit like

“When did Sylvester Stallone start doing tampon commercials?”

 

As World War 3 falls from the sky

Like cats dying

The end

 

 

Your Love Is A Boomerang

 

Your love is a boomerang

And I don’t know how

To throw a boomerang

 

I’m lousy at it

 

I have failed

many times

again and again