Damn Those Torpedoes
aka So This Is Home
Existence is a sinking island
Circled by something inspired by battleships
That’ve been bombing the shit out of everything
Ever since roughly
around 3 and a half minutes
After the invention of whatever all this is
Let’s call it everything!
Let’s call it home!
Everyone alive at the moment living between oblivions
on the sinking island have their own theories about the battleships
and what the purpose of their bombing the life out of all of us is intended to be
Some people think it has something to do with faith
(note to self: remember to re-watch The Ten Commandments
and other Charlton Heston movies like I’m Charlton Heston and Soylent Green)
Some people think it has something to do with mathematics
(note to self: remember to re-watch Good Will Hunting)
Some people think it’s all about hamburgers screaming and nothingness
(note to self: remember to re-watch porn)
I happen to think that your eyes are constitutionally perfect
In all the ways possible, and I’m being serious
Do people still say things like ‘stunning’ anymore?
(“I liked the way we danced.” – The Legend of Bagger Vance)
That’s funny, because
I still happen to think that the universe is doomed
and your eyes are stunning
In the way those things we love move on
or don’t let us down are stunning
and I’d just like to say I’m sorry
I forgot to eat your soufflé
I’m sorry!
This poem is supposed to be about Tom Petty!
But, fuck
those eyes, if they were a fucking recording artist they’d be playin’
with The Heartbreakers right now
(ok now, here we are, back on track)
(the absence of many words here now meant to represent silence)
I want to tit fuck your eyes
Whoops, we’re heading someplace else now
where Tom Petty’s still dead and tomorrows are a recurring myth and
If I had one wish right now
that had nothing to do with fixing what’s wrong in this world
and everything, I’d want to tit fuck your eyes
Is there a more politically correct way to say this?
I want to tit fuck your eyes
With words shaped like my penis
There, now I’ve said it
Let’s get back to Tom Petty and those goddamn battleships
with their existence ending cannons
Damn the torpedo that took Tom Petty
when this world really needs him
Damn those torpedoes that’ve taken everyone this month
do to hate and gunfire and natural disasters and Trump
Damn those torpedoes that take everything away from us
Damn those torpedoes that un-unite humanity
Damn the torpedo that threw me away from you
I’d always known all this other horrible shit could happen
(I miss you too, Tom Petty)
But I never thought they’d get away with something like this
Those torpedoes managed to take us out too
Shit, so
Damn those goddamn torpedoes
#we’llAlwaysHaveWhatWeHadAndDeadwoodbut
I’ve been limping like I’ve been waiting in line
for the next slot in the meat locker since then
Which is seriously, ridiculous
I’m not giving up or anything, but
Those Tom Petty Damned torpedoes
aren’t fucking around
#everytinginchargeisrediculous
That was one hell of a shot
Multiverse Johnson 