His Sleeves Were Stained With Spinach Dip

His Sleeves Where Stained With Spinach Dip


His sleeves where stained with spinach dip

and Bionic Woman quotes

and gone booze


his shoes looked like he’d just spent the flood

slugging through Earth’s history of fascist atrocities

and the modern day equivalency of Trump shit


strained through the excrement

of every one of The Downfall’s enablers

and everything else that’s ever let us down


His pants

no longer resembled



they resembled cartwheels

performed by the sort of material

that’s had its heart broken in two

and couldn’t pull off a cartwheel right now

to save everything it’s ever loved’s



and beneath those pants

there where underpants


the final last defense of his only weiner

from the rest of the world


and his underpants

had a big photo of Bela Lugosi’s face

stitched directly over the crotch area


(Historical Note: they were and still are: amazing)

the face of a personal hero of his

overlooking the undead isolated miserable-ness

of his own





and boo who, who

so what

his dick was the least of his lonely


Let’s not get all sidetracked

over stuff about how his weiner

weeps while watching Soylent Green

and eats in diners every night



His dick, was the least of his lonely!


She’d been gone a long time now,

let’s not focus on that

lots of things had been gone now

but those underpants stayed with him


and after all this time

the elastic waistband on something like this

eventually gets shot


It gets shot


Every one of us

throughout our entire lifetimes,

we take thousands of bullets

straight into the exact spots

built to break us down


[Historical Note:

walk it off with me, darlin’

why couldn’t we

just both of us

walked it off………]


So sure, long story flacid,

his penis was lonely: too

but so is almost everything else


and we’ve all got way more important things

to worry about right now

than this guy’s sad dick


Everything’s more important than his penis


The entire world is currently falling down

around us

and it’s not like his penis is the only bit involved

that’s missing things right now


Almost everything

is missing



Wouldn’t you agree, Lindsay Wagner?


I’m betting she would

because she’s awesome

and if we’re really going to replay

the fight against fascism on a global field again

we’re going to need some

sharp ears

and slow motion jumping


We’re gonna need some bionics, and

she’s got bionics to spare

goddamn it, I’ve watched her on at least

two occasions punch the crap out of Bigfoot

surely she can fix this


“I’m not that bionic!”*


Wow, the elastic’s really shot

on these boxers

and there’s spinach dip everywhere


He said to himself

while trying really hard

to pull his pants up


Because everything’s so hard, everywhere


and his sleeves where stained with spinach dip

and Bionic Woman quotes

and gone booze, etc


post note:


“Hold on to something!”**

everything leaves





* The Bionic Woman
** Jeff Goldblum and Vince Vaughn

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