Goop Happens
Every time Gwyneth Paltrow
endorses a pillow case
an angel wakes up to find
its face laying flat against a soiled mattress,
and its wings have rotted off
and wealthy peoples pillows,
the pillows owned by the kind of pillow owners
who can afford to follow Gwyneth Paltrow’s advice,
those pillows
immediately commit suicide by hanging
themselves on their old cases
or phone in for a refill
on their xanex
whatever comes first
and Chris Martin cries
like a silk tuba huddled in the far corner
of an un-goop’d upon bed
and I don’t blame him because
Trust me, Helen
we can, everyone of us,
relate
It’s a hard thing to live through
that moment when the lady you love
Goops everything up
and endorses another man’s
pillow case
in the broadest daylight
ever
and that goddamn moment
having to stand there,
un-enduring as they pronounce
their hard/fast declaration
that the life you have together
is instantly/just like that
it’s gone
Perfectly good pillows
doomed forever, just like that
fuck,
These are the things that will haunt us
and cause all those nerves
in our necks to pinch themselves off
one by one
at a time……..
“What’s in the box?!”
I pretend Chris Martin, screaming
in a Brad Pitt accent
(from that one flick where he played Death
and didn’t know what he was doing,
that’s the Brad Pitt accent Chris Martin nails here,
not Brad’s accent from Legends Of The Fall
or The Councilor or Seven or Fight Club or
True Romance, or Benjamin Buttons
where goddamn it, I love him
he’s great)
“What’s in the box?!” Chris Martin screaming
the perfect impression of Brad Pitt
trying to be Death
because it’s the sort of thing we all scream
occasionally and/or everyday
and night
between muffins
and Bukowski brawl
bar fights
the truth being nothing we’ll ever be
prepared to hear, when we’re having
a conversation like that
What’s in the box, Gwyneth?
Grey palazzos, diuretic licorice,
somebody else’s Oscar,
half a labia, maybe
and a fortune cookie prediction
portending something, shit
how do I know?
It’s 3 a.m. again
and this entire thing’s making me miserable
(must watch Planet Of The Apes damn it, stat!)
Goop begets more goop,
and whatever’s in there
it’s none of anything’s business
these things, whatever they are
down there, in Gwyneth’s box
…….they’ve been floating around in there
for god knows how long
in charge of everything down there, though
there is a leader (Mad Max post-apocalypse style)
it appears to be a scroll of some kind
and it looks like it says something
about the early mysteries of human civilization,
expensive secrets for curing eye wrinkles,
and an overly ornate recipe for whipped cream
Is this actually, information?
What are we supposed to do with it?
I don’t know
What I do know
Another’s Arms
off the Ghost Stories album
That’s a great song
so what are we supposed to do?
Post Marvel Movie Style Credits:
Another’s Arms Part 2
I still remember the first time
you gooped all over me
just like I still remember
the first time I gooped
all over you
Multiverse Johnson 