Die Hard And A Baby
The night woke up
with its pants still on,
perpetually
and an axe wound
the size of Nebraska
hacked into the side of an un-expecting
pre-Planet of the Apes-ending Statue Of Liberty
which the perpetual murderer
had, in a moment of cheap whisky and cinema
mistaken for the side of night’s face
So, the Statue of Liberty’s fucked
but the night’s going to be fine
without us
after all the chaos is finished
with all its winning
and we’re gone
if there’s always going to be anything
there will always be night
it manages
like a drunk metronome
to go on
Us humans,
not so much
This world is landscaped in violence,
with bully shaped shrubbery,
the view’s just fucking beautiful
if you’re a Trump zombie or an oligarch
the rest of us
are so fucking doomed right now
hope is a compatible pair of footwear, and
the human race
is a lost boot full of
fuck up
floating around out wherever we are,
something pretending to be space,
spinning around an enormous sun
(fuck, since we’re talking about the sun
I spun by 7-ll on my way to work this morning
to pick up a copy of The New York Times
and the woman behind the counter stopped to look
at the front page while she was ringing it up
She saw a picture of the world burning
thousands of trees on fire
She’d had no idea anything was wrong
“It’s been happening for a while” I said
“Why don’t they just put out the fires?”
she asked me, and I said that they’re trying,
but it’s complicated
and then she said:
“You know, when I hear about stuff like this,
when things are burning, I don’t get worried
I say, it’s just the sun falling down,
that’s why things are burning,
and if the sun falls down and the fires
can’t be put out, that’s just god’s power
and that’s how it’s supposed to be”
and she’s all the way convinced
and ok with this
with having been trained
to be manipulated
and easily controlled/ and/thus defeated
and, shit (insert line here that meticulously describes
the heartbreak and what I’m trying to say
about all of this: now)
at that point I felt hopeless
and perpetually ornery
at the same time
because it was too goddamn early
in the morning to be confronted by this fucked
Trump-fake-fact/deep state church going
denial of science and climate change bullshit
propaganda
I just wanted a paper
and a Big Gulp
and to not feel horrible
about everything
for at least a good 45 seconds in a row
and here she’d gone
and fucked it all up
“The sun doesn’t fall down!” I’m not trying
to ruin her day, the words just fall out of me
“There’s no ‘down’ in space. And that’s not even
the….” and at this point I catch myself, because
what am I doing?
You’re never going to convince a zombie
that it’s a bad thing, eating human flesh
because it makes them feel good
and they’ve already been programmed
by death and Fox News
into believing that there’s nothing wrong
with it, people eating people
that’s just the fuck-what
people do
The Trump presidency
has intentionally legitimized cannibalism
and the very worst instincts of the human race
the consequences including
all of the goddamn bullies
and white supremacists/Nazi fan boys,
they tiki torch around in their broad
sun-falling-down daylight
flaunting their delicate ignorance and bigotry
confident in the fact that the President
of America has their backs
and fuck the goddamn concrete
or whatever anything is
because they’re right
Trump does have their backs
along with all the blood they spill
on his hands
Blood all over
his pompous little
pussy grabbing hands
the same hands he uses to shake
with the mass murdering dictators
and wipes all over his thick, chicken
McNugget eating face
“Nobody should every complain, ever.”
said the guy standing in line in front of me
at the liquor store I spun into on my way home
from work, later that night
Hell(en),
I should stop standing in line for things
or stay away from cash registers
or give up on going out in public
at all
All In The Insanity
Too Close For Madness
Magmun P. Stains
These are the new tv sitcom/drama
re-boots of the future
We’re doomed, with both ‘o’s
When aliens swing by, eventually
and find whatever it is that’s been left
between ashes
They’re gonna be like,
What the hell’s this place supposed to be?
It smells like a boot filled with fuck up
Where did all this fuck up come from?
What happened to the other boot?
and the other alien’s going to say something like
I don’t know,
man,
Stop talking to me
So, the first alien will keep talking
while the alien who doesn’t want to be talked to
sits on a dead fire hydrant
trying to read an unproduced screenplay,
a failed attempt to reboot two stalled franchises
Die Hard and Three Men And A Baby,
at the same time
For the reboot:
Ted Danson, Steve Guttenberg, and Tom Selleck
have all been replaced by Bruce Willis
and the baby is now being played
by a life sized
double thumb twittered
Donald Trump
The screenplay was difficult to read,
what with the Nokatomi building
becomes all of a sudden sentient and falls in love
with the tough-yet-vulnerable parking garage
that lives across the street subplot
and 75 percent of the pages soaked
in puddle’d blood and the aftermath
smelling of fuck up and feet
“Is it any good?” the first alien asks,
after he randomly assumes that the other alien
had just finished reading the screenplay
“I don’t know.” the alien who’d just finished
reading the screenplay said
“The baby in this thing, is intolerable.”
“Surely such a creature could never exist.”
Alien First said, because he’s a dumbass
“The Bruce Willis character, as written
was enjoyable.” the non-dumbass alien said.
“I liked when he said funny things, like
Pass me the ‘Who gives a fuck’, and
What kind of a baby are you?!
and Ya, I might’ve fucking shit myself,
but you’re dead
Also, though I found most of it annoying
because it was difficult to read,
I liked the whole love story,
between the stupid/misunderstood building
and the beautiful parking garage that lived
across the street
Multiverse Johnson 