Drinking at the Bad Daddy’s Bar Before Watching Godzilla
In this new film
like he does in the old ones
Godzilla’s fighting multiple monsters
and while I prefer the old Rubber Suit versions
and prefer the Stop Motion kind over all else
I’m excited to see Rodan and Mothra again
Even in these modern day iterations of CGI
shooting cell phones out of their nostrils,
popping up out of oceans of chilled cucumber water,
and duking it out like a gaggle of useless
YouTube influencers talking about pants
like it was jazz
Godzilla is still Godzilla
Godzilla is the monster that pre-dates
safe spaces and Tucker Carlson’s hate speak
Godzilla is the goddamn Mueller Report
America’s been rooting for
Godzilla doesn’t care if President Touch Of Sun
is the president and therefore legally
un-prosecutable under ruthless circumstances
Godzilla knows only blue flames and justice
and how many fish a thing that big
needs to eat in one day and how long
to hold its breath underwater
Godzilla will take King Trumpdorah down
That 3 headed bullshit’r, with his
baggy suit tails and red tie tongues
that hangs down to the opposite side
of his butt
Godzilla will take back reality
Godzilla will scream his own theme song
into a sky made out of one big ear
Godzilla will speak rationally to the irrational
until they recover their own rationality
and weep grilled cheese
Godzilla will settle down again someday
But not tonight
And probably not the day that follows after
Godzilla is preternaturally afraid of getting
his heart broken again
like Sisyphus’s old slinky
gloomily crawling down
this endless flight of stairs
Godzilla finds himself not wanting to be thinking
about this shit again
So he does a quick scream
at the 1970-ish poster of Faye Dunaway
that the Irradiated Cockroach shaped Corporations
that own these sorts of establish-mutts
choose to hang on the walls
of the men’s bathrooms
and he moves on to thinking
about something else
Godzilla is thinking about ordering
the fried pickle appetizers
But what if he goes to his own movie
and they have the Godzilla collectable popcorn tin?
If that happens, he’s gonna have to get popcorn
and that would mean
salt on top of salt
one horrible thing
on top of another horrible thing
equals at least one too many horrible things
So Godzilla lets the fried pickles go
Godzilla has Skittles hidden in his pocket
He’d forgotten all about that until recently
Recently being: three or four seconds ago
Popcorn would probably get along
just fine with Skittles
Godzilla doesn’t smile outwardly,
but in his consciousness,
a smile forms in his mind
A dinner worthy of this King of the Monsters
But what time is it?
An hour and a little while
before the start of the show
Godzilla knows this
- Because it’s his movie, and
- Because he’s wearing his enemy-monster-proof watch
Fossil, King Of The Watches
Rolexes are for jerks
whose time on this Earth
has a small penis
Godzilla looks at his bar tab thus far:
$8.68 for a couple of monster sized Coors Lights
Godzilla’s also currently on a medium dose
of anti-anxiety medication
ergo: he’s got a pretty good buzz
Godzilla knows all the words
to every song that’s played on the jukebox
in the last 4 minutes
Godzilla lives in a modest-shit apartment
and hasn’t had to mow a yard in over 20 years
Godzilla hasn’t seen a female monster naked
since, what, somewhat
early, into the Administration of Trump?
I wonder if they still have nipples?
Godzilla thinks to himself, after tipping
the bartender
and wishing he’d remembered
to grab his only jean jacket before leaving the apartment
earlier in the day
thus ending
this poem with
a regret
Multiverse Johnson 