Drinking at the Bad Daddy’s Bar Before Watching Godzilla


Drinking at the Bad Daddy’s Bar Before Watching Godzilla


In this new film

like he does in the old ones

Godzilla’s fighting multiple monsters


and while I prefer the old Rubber Suit versions

and prefer the Stop Motion kind over all else

I’m excited to see Rodan and Mothra again


Even in these modern day iterations of CGI

shooting cell phones out of their nostrils,

popping up out of oceans of chilled cucumber water,

and duking it out like a gaggle of useless

YouTube influencers talking about pants

like it was jazz


Godzilla is still Godzilla


Godzilla is the monster that pre-dates

safe spaces and Tucker Carlson’s hate speak


Godzilla is the goddamn Mueller Report

America’s been rooting for


Godzilla doesn’t care if President Touch Of Sun

is the president and therefore legally

un-prosecutable under ruthless circumstances


Godzilla knows only blue flames and justice


and how many fish a thing that big

needs to eat in one day and how long

to hold its breath underwater


Godzilla will take King Trumpdorah down


That 3 headed bullshit’r, with his

baggy suit tails and red tie tongues

that hangs down to the opposite side

of his butt


Godzilla will take back reality


Godzilla will scream his own theme song

into a sky made out of one big ear


Godzilla will speak rationally to the irrational

until they recover their own rationality

and weep grilled cheese


Godzilla will settle down again someday

But not tonight

And probably not the day that follows after


Godzilla is preternaturally afraid of getting

his heart broken again


like Sisyphus’s old slinky

gloomily crawling down

this endless flight of stairs


Godzilla finds himself not wanting to be thinking

about this shit again


So he does a quick scream

at the 1970-ish poster of Faye Dunaway

that the Irradiated Cockroach shaped Corporations

that own these sorts of establish-mutts

choose to hang on the walls

of the men’s bathrooms


and he moves on to thinking

about something else


Godzilla is thinking about ordering

the fried pickle appetizers


But what if he goes to his own movie

and they have the Godzilla collectable popcorn tin?


If that happens, he’s gonna have to get popcorn

and that would mean

salt on top of salt


one horrible thing

on top of another horrible thing

equals at least one too many horrible things


So Godzilla lets the fried pickles go


Godzilla has Skittles hidden in his pocket

He’d forgotten all about that until recently

Recently being: three or four seconds ago


Popcorn would probably get along

just fine with Skittles


Godzilla doesn’t smile  outwardly,

but in his consciousness,

a smile forms in his mind


A dinner worthy of this King of the Monsters


But what time is it?

An hour and a little while

before the start of the show


Godzilla knows this

  1. Because it’s his movie, and
  2. Because he’s wearing his enemy-monster-proof watch


Fossil, King Of The Watches


Rolexes are for jerks

whose time on this Earth

has a small penis


Godzilla looks at his bar tab thus far:

$8.68 for a couple of monster sized Coors Lights


Godzilla’s also currently on a medium dose

of anti-anxiety medication

ergo: he’s got a pretty good buzz


Godzilla knows all the words

to every song that’s played on the jukebox

in the last 4 minutes


Godzilla lives in a modest-shit apartment

and hasn’t had to mow a yard in over 20 years


Godzilla hasn’t seen a female monster naked

since, what, somewhat

early, into the Administration of Trump?


I wonder if they still have nipples?

Godzilla thinks to himself, after tipping

the bartender


and wishing he’d remembered

to grab his only jean jacket before leaving the apartment

earlier in the day


thus ending

this poem with

a regret

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