Hairspray In Heaven
In the late 1980’s I thought about different things
but when I thought about car hoods
I thought about you
You made me want to be
a better guitar player
and own a vehicle
Some people are lucky to have hair, Tawny
Hair was lucky to have you
“Here I go again”!
Who said it better, Tawny?
Whitesnake or Death?
Is this afterlife that you’re feeling
or are you now feeling nothing at all? Because
I’ve always been worried about the nothing at all
If there’s something out there after death, Tawny
can you send me one of your white nightgown dancing telegrams?
Pin a note to the Night’s still?
Slow motion somersault twice to the left for yes
and slow motion somersault three times to the right for no
Is there hairspray in Heaven?
What’s the dramatically paced face misting situation look like up there?
Do the fog machines cost extra, or what?
I have so many questions!
Damn it, at this point I don’t even know what killed you
So tonight I’ll blame Inevitability
The inevitability of death has taken
our world’s greatest 1980’s music video star away
and even though I may or may not have thought about you
for years, Ms. Kitaen
I still miss you
When you were packing your suitcase
in the Is This Love video because you were leaving David Coverdale
because he’d just done something that David Coverdale tends to do
I wanted to be that suitcase
In the 1980’s I wanted you to pack me
and hold my handle while we ran down the street
because we were in love!
But that never happened, obviously
maybe because I lived in the middle of a farm in Springport, Michigan
and you lived in MTV
And in the end (of that video) you wound up throwing the suitcase away anyway
(a relatable moment for the future version of the 16 year old me
that was watching those videos/I’ve been thrown away before now too)
In the end of your video you throw away the suitcase
just before Coverdale jumps out of the goddamn alley and starts
shaking you by the shoulders (as if vigorously taunting the future
internets to cancel him) until your hairspray gives a little bit
And then in the very next shot he’s kissing your neck again
and you’re sex-grinning like you’re enjoying everything
and then: That’s it
The song’s over
The end-of-the-video-Reaper shows up, fading everything into
and the chaos of abandoned shampoo
Like the ending of that video, Tawny
Death doesn’t make any sense too