I Feel Mr. Bad For Mr. Big

Paul Natkin Archive

I Feel Mr. Bad For Mr. Big


Mr. Big sold its song

‘To Be With You’

to Wendy’s


and then Wendy’s

changed the lyrics

to be about hamburgers


and that made me sad


because I don’t eat hamburgers anymore


that song has moved

beyond something

I can relate to


‘to’ or ‘too’?

‘be’ or ‘bee?

you or you?


Motley Crue recently turned

‘Home Sweet Home’ into a lousy

Property Insurance Company



and that made me sad too


because I don’t own any property

and am thus incapable

of becoming nostalgic

over the peace of mind

that must come

from knowing that if your goddamn house

burns down

you’re both melodically

and financially



Tommy Lee running for his drum kit

after just having played the piano

is now paced to the beat

of flexible monthly premium rates


I don’t understand



Where did Diet Vanilla Pepsi go?


Where the hell’s its goddamn

hair metal band theme song?


why am I always getting

so goddamn beat down

about things like this?


the world contains billions of people

with insurance

and burned down houses


who are still in love

with their high school



and probably prefer

the brand new commercialized versions

to the originals


because hell,


we’re all just one

lousy tour of Japan away

from becoming a fast food commercial


so it’s easier, maybe

believing that


if something you care about

burns down

you can easily replace it


affordably priced


need love too

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