Birthday 44: Electric Booga-lore



Birthday 44: Electric Booga-lore


This morning I woke up on the couch hung over

and thought Huh, so this is 44


and after that I thought

I wonder if my dick still works?


so I jerked off


and then, because I’m always on a giant monsters kick again

I read ½ a Kaiju story

but I didn’t like it

the story was told from the Kaiju’s perspective

and he was given a vain overly sexualized male persona

that bragged a bunch about how virile it was

and reveled in the aboriginal nobility

of how much it liked to fuck: stuff


and I was offended, actually


because in the Kaiju monster genre

the Kaiju is more than a monster

it’s THE monster

the Kaiju is supposed to represent

a metaphor

for the societal fears of a particular time

in the finite history

of this everything ends

nut sack dragging

Hollywood needs me

ball-gagged earth


it’s not supposed to be some dumb

mash up of Donald Trump’s ego

sewn to the outer asshole

of a super high Charlie Sheen


(historical note: the younger version of myself was pretty sure

that by the time it hit 44 it would no longer be referencing

Charlie Sheen in his writings)


(historical note pt 2: even though he’s great in The Arrival, and Young Guns 1,

as in “I could’ve killed ya, Dick.” Billy the Kid said that.

Not Charlie Sheen. Emilio Estevez played Billy the Kid

Charlie Sheen played Dick)


but back to Kaiju

The story displeased me


I was like

this is bullshit

and put the book down


and thought more about metaphors

and then for the second time



I wondered if my dick still worked

and jerked off again


then I went into the basement to do laundry

because everything’s dirty right now

and it’s not like I haven’t been doing anything

I’ve been going to work

and hanging out with my amazing and grown up daughters

and watching one hundred movies

and writing a lot about everything

but writing doesn’t keep your clothes clean


it does the opposite, actually


everything I’d recently worn

smelled repulsive

and I knew I had to leave the house tonight

and outside is repulsive enough

it doesn’t need my dirty shirt out there

adding to the mix


so I went down to do laundry!


but couldn’t deal with the pile

so I washed 1 shirt and 2 socks


and thought: “That’ll do pig.”—James Cromwell

That’ll do


and then I

looked at what I’d planned

on reading tonight but it was too long


everything I’ve been writing is long


which got me thinking about my dick working

correctly again


and I thought about jerking off

but I put in Synecdoche, New York



Quote: “Harold Pinter’s dead. No wait,

he won the Nobel Prize” End Quote


and I get so goddamned devastated

like I always get goddamned devastated

when I watch this movie


so when it’s over I get drunk

at 1:11 p.m.

before the 7:30 reading

I’m drinking

Princess Lea save me!

I get drunk


so realizing that I will eventually

have to be somewhere

I put in Planet of the Apes

in a cinematic attempt to sober up


but everything’s too late

I’m already having flashbacks

of Walmart

and hitting on a girl once at a camp site

when I was 12

my pickup line being


I swallowed a bug, once


and I think about maybe if I just took a shower

but then I put on some Right Guard


because I’m 44 now

and showering is for the young


I watched Planet of the Apes

drank cheap beer (it must be my birthday

I almost never drink beer)`


until Jonny and Shayna showed up


and then we headed to Denver


we were in the car

and then we were outside

and then we were here

in this place


and this happened




(written for last night’s FBomb at The Mercury Café, Denver CO)

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