Notes On The Ejaculation Patterns Of The Domesticated Yeti
Warning:
If you believe the things said by a Yeti
Yetis can only cum once/one time
per day/over the course of an orderly 24 hours
which sounds like Trump facts/entirely made up
that’s like a 4 legged spider trying to convince the world
that all spiders are half-legged or a scorpion trying to pass
itself off as Brad Pitt
it’s safe to say one should not trust a Yeti
because they seem to believe all sorts of crazy shit
like grooming is for suckers
and their moms get to meet everybody flagrantly
and grown men who are pretty damn charming
most likely dress like Beatniks
in cliché turtlenecks and berets
the Yeti insists that it can only cum once!
to which common sense and science screams: Fuck that!
a domesticated Yeti, maybe
one who lives in a parent subsidized house cave
not trimming his outer ear beards
and butchering the English language
in an attempt to sound impressive
when all the fuck he had to say was
wow
that one cum thing may be true of the domesticated Yeti
but non-domesticated Yetis
the ones who live in the wild
I hear they cum all the time!
when they wake up
while brushing their teeth
while watching New Girl
each time they catch a mountain squirrel
or a trout
the un-domesticated Yeti can cum upwards of 23 times
throughout the course of a 24 hour day
the domesticated Yeti appears unable to relate to all that
the domesticated Yeti doesn’t hunt for its food,
subsisting on previously prepared Irish cuisine,
freezer burned tacos, and gently used urinal cakes
the domesticated Yeti has evolved itself
into a gargled and insecure beast
who can only cum once per earthly rotation
and feels the need to verbally criticize
that which is obviously perfect in an attempt
to show its own ego who’s boss
the domesticated Yeti shits awkwardly long words
from its mouth like a pampered thesaurus made out of diarrhea
and the butts of cigarettes
the domesticated Yeti votes for Gary Johnson
indisposed of the fact that Gary Johnson is ridiculous
and even the non-domesticated Yeti have united behind
the universal understanding that nature and the vast cities
which cup the balls of nature must put aside their various grievances
in a cohesive effort to defeat Trump
because it’s important to fight for what’s important
the domesticated Yeti doesn’t get that
the domesticated Yeti pontificates upon bullshit while letting
the good things get away
the domesticated Yeti lacks the sexually recuperative properties
which all other sentient life on this planet either cherish
or take for granted
the domesticated Yeti is such a dick
“I didn’t know you knew so much about Yetis” Rain-a told Marles
“Yeah. When I’m not thinking about being inside you, I think of
other stuff like Yetis and dress shoes…..”
Rain-a laughed and looked out the window. “How many times
do you think we can fuck before it gets dark?” she asked Marles
“More times than a domesticated Yeti, I promise you that.” Marles said
before utilizing his spoon to scoop the last bits of potato chicken chili
off his plate.
Rain-a laughed again while pushing
her own plate off the table. “Let’s get to it, then!”
So they did
Multiverse Johnson 